A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives..."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
_________________________________________________________
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely..."
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?
_________________________________________________________
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny,"
He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go".
_________________________________________________________
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Sorry wrong number."
Name: Darren
Bdae: Dec the 4th
Sign: Saggitarius
Country: Singapore
Location: Hougang
Age: It's a secret :)
[[Desires]]
3rd New Zealand Holiday
4th New Zealand Holiday
Canadian Rockies Holiday
Alaskan Cruise Holiday
Visit Melbourne Again
Sign Up For Photography Course
Macbook Air
A Bachelor's
DSLR Camera
Playstation 3
iPod Touch
[[Movies To Watch]]
Clash Of The Titans
Angels & Demons
Night At The Museum 2
Revenge Of The Fallen
Where The Wild Things Are
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus
The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas
The Last House On The Left
The Taking Of Pelham 123
Fireflies In The Garden
Hachiko: A Dog's Tale
The Haunting In Connecticut
Drag Me To Hell
The Lovely Bones
Saints & Soldiers
Slumdog Millionaire
Final Destination 4
Law Abiding Citizen
Public Enemies
District 9
The Cleaner
Sorority Row
Shutter Island
Outlander
Pandorum
Whiteout
Defiance
The Road
Valkyrie
Splice
Avatar
Moon
2012
Up
[[Favourites]]
Down Memory Lane @ Bloglogger Lair
A Tribute To Grandma
The Censorship Debate
I Love Potatoes
Humour Mail 1
Humour Mail 2
Humour Mail 3
Humour Mail 4
Humour Mail 5
Humour Mail 6
Humour Mail 7
Humour Mail 8
Humour Mail 9
Humour Mail 10
Humour Mail 11
[[Quizzes]]
[[Friends]]
Aaron
Alvin
Brendan
Celine
Charlene
Emily
Eunice
Fabian
Joel
Kelvin
Kenneth
Landy
Mango
Nazryn
Pearline
Priscilla
Rachel Tan
Steph
TZ
[[Playlist]]
[[Tagboard]]
[[History]]
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